I’m on a Boat…. but it’s for Charity (RP #1 v AC)

Narrator: Now I know what you’re all thinking right? How in the blue hell did a guy with just a singular win get into the Headliner match of PWE’s first Pay Per View…

Lewis is seen lounging about on a reclined chair. Shirtless, a pair of board shorts and sunglasses covering his face. He dangles his feet back and forth to a beat that must be streaming through the AirPods in his ears. 

Narrator: Just look at the guy. He’s not much to look at, despite what Bhourbon and Ophelia say. He looks like he could barely bench press the bar, let alone any weights on it. He looks like a lost kitten in the ring. Hell even Ollie looks more comfortable in the ring than he does. So how does he, of all people, get that spot, as well as a spot on the poster?

Lewis blindly adjusts his crotch and adjusts himself in the chair to make himself more comfortable. As the camera zooms out he’s on a massive boat.

Narrator: Oh shit is that this weekend? Wait a second, he wasn’t even invited, what the hell is he doing here? Anyways, the answer to all those questions is really simple. When you look at him, sure he’s unimpressive. Maybe he’s a little aloof, but what no one else in PWE can claim to have is…. IT.  Just look at the guy. He oozes charis— No I’m not saying that.

Sounds of papers shuffling then abruptly stopping.

Narrator: His god-like physiq— No absolutely not.

The papers shuffle one more time.

Narrator: Listen, we all know why he’s here. He’s like a car crash. You can’t take your eyes off of him. You want to see what his dumbass will do next. Whether he’s coaxed off the top of a ladder, mere inches away from victory, by his lovely wife. Or how he somehow managed to get a victory last week. Let that sink in. ONE WIN and he’s in the headliner match. One measly little win, and the kid has a rocket strapped to his back.

Lewis sits up, lifting the shades off of his face. You can now tell that he is in fact on a large cruise ship.  The song playing through his ear buds can be faintly heard.



Think of it like a Carnival Cruise, but with slightly less middle aged Karen’s running around. The lounge chairs to his left and right were both empty. You could tell by the towels left in disarray that people were just recently sitting there. Confused, he looks around and doesn’t see what he’s looking for. He grabs the basketball jersey hanging on the back of his lounge chair and quickly throws it on. Heading down the walkway into the lower decks of the ship.

Walking by each room Lewis knocks on the door and continues down the long corridor. A few people open their doors and yell at Lewis briefly. He pays them no attention and whistles as he walks down to the end of the hallway.

He digs through his pockets and pulls out the key to the room. The little green light illuminates and he walks in. He tosses his key on the table next to the door. Walking in he sees Bhourbon sitting down on one of the sofas flipping through a magazine. He gives her a smile and opens the door to the bedroom.

Bhourbon: If you’re going in there for what I think you’re going in there for, you might as well stay out here with me.

Lewis: We will see about that.

Bhourbon: Don’t say I didn’t warn you…

Lewis waves the back of his hand towards the gorgeous woman and walks in to Pheely wearing only a bikini spread like a starfish on the bed. Groaning slightly. Lewis rubs his hands together, and takes two giant steps towards the bed. He leaps into the air.

Lewis: GERONIMO!!!!!

Pheely sits up quickly.

Pheely: DON’T YOU DARE!

Caught off guard Lewis adjusts midair and lands to the left of Pheely. He bounces off the side of the bed and crashes hard into the nightstand with a resounding thud. A few glasses fall and shatter to the ground around Lewis. He quickly hops up and begins to brush himself off.

Lewis: I’m okay.

Ophelia laughs slightly before laying back down on the bed in her previous position. Lewis stands at the side of the bed, not knowing what to do.

Pheely: Oh just sit down.

Lewis: Dope.

Lewis gingerly climbs into the bed and jostles for position. Pheely doesn’t give an inch, as Lewis slides down on the mattress. With his head nestled next to her chest and his feet dangling off the bottom.

Lewis: You okay babe?

Pheely: Obviously not Lew. I can barely move. I’m so sunburnt that I look like a lobster.

Lewis: Yes, but a sexy lobster. One that I would want to dip in butter and eat all up.

Pheely: We would if we could, why else do you think Bho is out there?

Suddenly Bhourbon appears in the doorway.

Bhourbon: Told ya so….

Lewis: Dammit Bho. That’s not the ONLY reason I came into the room.

Pheely: Mmhmm.

Lewis: Okay. It was A reason. I didn’t know where you two went. You left me out there by myself.

Bhourbon: Yeah, you’re the moron that fell a sleep in the sun, and I have to get snack cakes over there out of the sun. I wasn’t about to wake you up.

A nervous wiggle of Lewis’ foot as he takes a deep breath.

Lewis: Fine. But I thought we were supposed to be training? You told me that Tara would let us use the ring when it wasn’t being used for the show, and well….

Pheely: I’m sorry love, but she didn’t tell me when it would be available, just that when it was we could use it.

Lewis: That’s the whole reason I even agreed to come on this ship. You know how I feel about large bodies of water.

Pheely: Yes I know. Anything larger than an Olympic sized pool is too big.

Lewis: Exactly. Yet here we are. On a boat that rivals the Titanic in size, in the ocean, WITH an Olympic sized pool on board. Do you have any idea how fucked that is?

Clearly exhasprated Pheely shimmies herself to a seated position on the bed, as Bhourbon sits down in the now vacated space. Lewis rolls over to his stomach.

Pheely: Listen love, I know you want to train with me. I know how riled up you get when you see me all sweaty but babe, look where you are.

Lewis: Yeah a dumbass boat in the middle of the fucking ocean.

Bhourbon: No you dingbat…

Pheely: You’re on a cruise with some of the finest wrestlers on the planet. From all around the world. If you don’t train with me, go out there and make friends.

Lewis: But—- But—-

Bhourbon: It would probably serve you better if you didn’t go around calling everyone a bitch.

Pheely: Yeah you can’t do that. I don’t think they would take to kindly to it face to face.

Bhourbon: Yeah, it’s one thing for it to be over Twitter, but another thing entirely.

Lewis: Got it. I’m a weakling who can’t defend himself. Jeeze, you two really know how to make a guy feel special.

Ophelia rolls her eyes.

Pheely: Bho can you give us a moment.

Bhourbon: Of course darling.

Bhourbon slides off the bed and out of the room. Slowly shutting the door behind her. Ophelia grabs Lewis by the hand and with her other hand places a bottle of Aloe Vera in the palm she was holding.

Pheely: Do you mind?

Lewis: Not at all.

She slowly rolls onto her stomach and fights with the tie on her bikini. Lewis helps her get it undone. He clicks open the top of the bottle and places a small amount into his palms. Lewis gently places his hands on her back. Ophelia jumps a little bit but quickly calms down.

Pheely: Listen love. I know why you’re stressing.

Lewis: You do?

Pheely: Of course. I know you better than you do sometimes. You’re worried you’re letting me down.

Lewis: Well yeah, but also…. I’m worried about Allen.

Pheely: Why, I mean other than the obvious reason.

Lewis stops rubbing the back of Ophelia and begins to work on her arms.

Lewis: It should be simple, but it’s not. I see him and know that he’s more seasoned than I am. Like he’s been in this situation before and this is my first time. I’m just nervous. The guy holds ME responsible for all of his failures in the PWE.

Pheely: Well you are the cause of a lot of them.

Lewis: I know, but also at a certain point he has to take responsibility for his own downfalls. I mean I don’t bitch moan and complain when I lose. I come home, get some cardio and try again. This guy would rather have a hard on for me and blame everyone BUT himself. It’s tiring. I have to go to the arena and look over my shoulder because this psychopath could be waiting around the corner with a chair, or kendo stick, or….

Pheely: An oversized purple dildo!

Lewis: Exactly—- wait what?

Pheely: I mean I wouldn’t put it past him.

Lewis: Sure, but that’s the point I’m trying to make. How am I supposed to prepare for a guy who is hellbent on making me bleed? In a match where I don’t even know what is going to be at my disposal to defend myself?

Pheely: Well maybe you have to turn the tides, pun intended, in your favor. Rather than go against the grain, maybe Lew, you need to follow it. Tap into the dark side a bit.

Lewis: I’m not like you babe. I don’t have murder in my head that I can unleash on everyone.

Pheely: Well of course you don’t, what I’m saying is maybe you need to be I dunno a little more aggressive in the ring.

Lewis: You think I don’t know that? I was seconds away from catching a chair to the dome. I need to find the aggression, I know, but babe I’m not sure I have it in me.

Pheely: You’re pretty aggressive in other areas…

Lewis: I think it would be weird to wrestle with a hard on, not to mention difficult.

Pheely: Yeah, but it would be hot.

Ophelia runs her hand across Lewis’ thigh, that is next to her, in a playful manner, and gives him a little growl. He stops rubbing Ophelia’s arms and gently re-ties her bathing suit top. Ophelia rolls over and sits up. Slightly disappointed she crosses her arms.

Pheely: You must be distracted.

Lewis: Why do you say that?

Pheely: Not once did you try to cop a feel or get to second base.

Lewis: Oh trust me I wanted to but I know it wasn’t going to go anywhere. And yeah, maybe I’m a little distracted.

Narrator: He was more than distracted. He, Lewis Chad Pinkston man of the utmost confidence, was scared. This is a man who stood face to face with a Cartel leader and didn’t blink. This is a guy who outsmarted Homeland Security and the FBI. He was afraid of a madman with a vendetta. No amount of talking was about to get him out of this beating. So Lewis did what Lewis does best when he needs a distraction.

Ophelia gives Lewis a kiss on the nape of his neck and then works her way up to his earlobe, before whispering.

Pheely: I’ll see you and Bho later, but for now.

She leans back and slaps Lewis on the back of head lightly.

Pheely: Get out there and learn something smart guy.

Lewis: Fine, but I want you two to do that thing you guys do that I like.

Ophelia shakes her head and then smiles.

Pheely: I don’t think I packed your Switch.

Lewis: Well how in the hell are we gonna get dem bells babe!? I’ve got a mortgage to pay off!

Pheely: Relax. We will do something better. Just go step away for a bit and collect your thoughts.

Resigned to his situation Lewis kisses Ophelia on the cheek and wipes his hands on the covers of the bed. She rolls her eyes at him and he walks out into the living area, where Bhourbon has her feet kicked up on the coffee table. She gives Lewis a small wave as he smiles and heads out into the hallway. He leans up against the wall and slides down to the floor.

Lewis: What the hell does she mean, collect your thoughts?

Narrator: Uhh I might have an idea…

Lewis: Who said that?!?

Lewis scrambles to his feet and gets in a fighting stance.

Narrator: Knock it off, you’re acting like this is the first time we’ve talked.

Lewis: Oh. It’s just you. Whaddup?

Narrator: Yes, Hello, Hi. Listen, what I think she meant was you need to at some point start putting Butch’s lessons into effect.

Lewis: All that dude did was stand me in front of an IPhone 6 and press record.

Narrator: And what happened last match?

Lewis: HOLY SHIT! I WON!

Narrator: Exactly.

Lewis begins to walks down the hallway but stops suddenly.

Lewis: Wait can I do this while walking?

Narrator: I don’t know. Can you chew gum and walk at the same time.

Lewis: Okay smart ass, point taken.

Lewis once again gets on his high horse and galivants down the hallway. Running his fingertips along the wall like a small child.

Lewis: See Allen, I know you’re hurting deep down. Saying that you were screwed because of your looks, and that’s not right at all. You weren’t screwed. Hell did it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe, you’re not as good as you think you are? Sure I know that I’m not that good, and I’m greener than cobra chicken shit, but what does that say about you? The pure fact that they put you up against me, should really tell you everything you need to know.

Narrator: They don’t have faith in you. No one has any faith in you. Well Allen, I’m not going to spit on your back and tell you it’s raining. .

Lewis: Narrator guy, that’s rude. Don’t worry Allen, I’ve got faith that you are going to fail yet again. This isn’t a bottle episode, we aren’t confined to the rules. The fans are the ones that will give us what we need. Guess what? They like me more.

Narrator: Yeah I just don’t get it either.

Lewis: I know. I don’t understand it as much as the next guy, but they do. Maybe it’s because I’m what they want to be. I’m happily married. I’m pursuing my dreams, regardless of the outcome. I don’t let wins and losses get to me, like they do you. Once that bell rings for the second time, I’ve got a smile on my face. Why?

Lewis stops in the middle of the hallway and knocks on a door before running full sprint down the hallway and out of sight.

Lewis: Unlike you Allen, I don’t HAVE to be here. I don’t need this. I want this. You need this and are failing. It’s why you’re so fragile. You are so thin skinned that all it took was me showing up and taking the shine away from you, even if it was just for a moment.

Narrator: Get used to it big fella.

Lewis: This pretty face is going to be around for a Looooooooong time. Whether anyone likes it or not. So please Allen, call me Pinkie-Dick all you want. All that is is jealousy, knowing that even if it was that size, it would still double yours in length and girth. So keep it coming with the sophomoric insults. What good are they when the person they are aimed at doesn’t give a single fuck about your words. As long as I have Pheely. As long as I keep trying. As long as I’m breathing. You won’t get rid of me.

Narrator: Mostly because you're too much of a bitch to take a life.

Lewis: Me on the hand… I have no problem ruining yours, one nut shot after another.

As Lewis comes to the staircase leading to the main deck he gets a funny feeling that someone is following him. He quickly turns around and finds no one behind him.

Lewis: Well onward and upward.

He shrugs to himself and heads towards the main deck. All the wrestlers on the cruise were seen hanging out. Most of them were at least. We could see the two teams in the main event separated but being cordial. Most of the others were just there to help their charities.

A few people give Lewis a smile or nod. Some even dap him up. Lewis on the other hand had one mission in all of this. He walked right up to James Raven, who had his back turned to him. Lewis taps him on the shoulder.

The People’s GOAT doesn’t respond, so naturally Lewis tries again this time a little more forcefully. James turns around and raises an eyebrow at Lewis.

Everything Lewis wanted to say.

“Will you train me?”

“What’s it like in Toronto this time of year?”

“What’s up with Betsy and why does she always weird me out?”

“What’s up with dem abs?”

“What that mouf do?”

All of them stuck in his brain. His mouth left agape all he could mutter.

Lewis: Where’s the front of the ship? I wanna do Leo in Titanic once before I get off this thing.

Nothing was said by James. He stood there stoic, abs glistening in the sunlight. Annoyed by the rookie that at best is decent and at worst is an annoying chihuahua, James points towards the front of the ship.

Lewis: Dope.

Lewis nods and hustles off in that direction. What Lewis didn’t notice, off in the back enjoying a margarita in the pool, was Agent Davidson. Eyes locked on Lewis. What neither of them noticed was Ernesto at the top of the stairs watching both men and smiling while swirling a clear liquid in a glass. 

As The Camera Fades to Black.